Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
