No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
