The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
