oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
