and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
