she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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