I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone came in the potted fern
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
