The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
