Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
