God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
