i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
