xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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