gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just googled if crying burns calories
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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