My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
