so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
