I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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