"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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