I just saw a hot homeless man
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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