i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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