Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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