i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
