woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
