he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
