I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
