Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
