Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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