Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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