I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
