That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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