just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found a bag of teeth...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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