I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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