I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
