You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize