You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we're so committed to being not committed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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