We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
