drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
