alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i out mim tonsoeep
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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