Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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