Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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