he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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