my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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