i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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