I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
