sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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