ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
