If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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