Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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