I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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