My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
