wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
