I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize