Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
