I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
