i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
