As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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