Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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