Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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