I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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