I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
