a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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