He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
