So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
