I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
