im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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