the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
