So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
