Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
