Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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