I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
