i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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