this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
