Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
