I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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