I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
