Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
